Saturday, February 6, 2010

a blizzard

My Dad's funeral was on the 4th. His ashes were layed in a large wall along with other fallen servicemen. The service was very moving. It was so emotional and it really made me proud of my Dad. God I miss him so badly! I think about him all the time and just miss his presence.

I have a voicemail message that I have saved on my phone from him 2 days before he went to the hospital. It was just him telling me to call him back and that he understood why I don't answer the phone sometimes because I'm always taking care of Wyatt. When I listen to it, it's almost as if he's not even gone.

I was talking to my step mom about this today, but sometimes I feel like I don't have that many memories of him. Nothing that really sticks out more than other memories. Just basic things like, being in the same place at the same time, watching a t.v. show together, different conversations that were just normal. I wish I had more time. I would have tried to make a better connection with him. I love my Dad so much and I always will, but I wonder if I had wasted time? What I'm scared of the most is that all the very non-eventful memories I have will slowly dwindle into nothing. I'm desperate to hold on to my Father for as long as I can. I'm trying to collect as many things as I can that remind me of him. I want him to still be an active part of my life, even if it means surrounding myself of things that were a part of him. I am so thankful for my step mom because I feel like he lives on within her. I can find out things about him that I didn't know because she knew him so well. It's wonderful that I still have that, and I am very grateful.

Anyway, I am home in Maryland spending time with Jennifer (my step mom). We're in the middle of a blizzard right now and it's kinda fun!


That is what's left of the car. Funny huh?

There is a chance of the electric going out, and I'm really hoping not. We'll freeze!

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