Saturday, April 17, 2010

My desperate plea

I haven't been out in 6 months. And I mean, OUT OUT. Like, to the movies, without my son. It sucks so much. I feel like I'm about to lose it. I would LOVE to have some time to myself. It's just not in the cards for some reason. My husband works all the time and then is on an opposite sleep schedule to top that. We literally see each other a few hours a day. Usually while I'm winding down for the night, Josh is getting up. Around 7:30pm. Do you feel sorry for me yet? I literally haven't been separated from my son for more than 30 minutes. Can you believe that? I know I need to just find someone to watch Wyatt but I'm actually scared about it. Is that normal? I'm scared because I'm still nursing and I just don't know. He doesn't take bottles, and sorta takes sippy cups. And he definitely doesn't like breast milk from anything but the tap. Am I supposed to just wait till he's older to do anything? Has anyone been in my situation? Not being able to separate from their babies? Totally scared about them crying and not being able to be consoled? 

Right now I'm sitting on the couch watching Law and Order. Josh is out with some of his friends to the movies. And they're drinking and having a great time. I'm so jealous. I would love to be free sometimes. I don't regret my son, so don't get me wrong. But oh how I miss doing things on a whim. Going to the movies randomly. Getting something to eat randomly. Waking up late. Going to bed late. People without kids don't know how good they have it.

When I look at my sleeping baby I know it's all worth it. But I would be a liar if I didn't say I miss my freedom. I know it's a short period of my life, but I just miss it. Sorry to vent. 


8 comments:

  1. Hmmm, that is hard. I wonder if this is about the time that weaning should begin...when you are stressed and tired of the nonseparation. I'm not a mom, so I don't know, but it sounds about right!

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  2. i can relate :) its terrifying to think of leaving your baby for a few hours with someone thats not you while you are out doing something for yourself. just the thought of it makes me feel guilty and I haven't even had a night out from my daughter! but from what other moms tell me, its healthy and normal for you to want to have a night or some hours to yourself so i say go for it. its hard with the nursing thing tho, esp since your little guy prefers "the tap" lol cute way of putting it :) maybe do an early outing with friends somewhere that your babysitter can bring your son along. while you are enjoying your time away from your son they can be walking around or something and when he needs to nurse, you just go meet them wherever they are nearby and then go back to hanging out for a little. i have yet to try this but have been wanting to!! hope this helps :)

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  3. So I know you said your husband has a crazy work schedule and therefore a crazy sleep schedule, but you also mentioned he was out with some friends. Now, I know with a work schedule like that he also deserves some fun times and a break, but so do you. Maybe he could give up a few of those times to let you have some me time. I mean, even if he only gets to do something like that once a month, that still means you get to 0 times. So, I know that doesn't resolve the nursing issue, but heck, even if you got out for an hour or two you might feel better. =)

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  4. aw court, i feel bad. my husband does help out when he can. he actually only goes out when i'm asleep. since he's up all night it's hard for him to stay awake on his days off, so he usually goes and plays video games or goes to the movies with friends that are also in his squadron. but you're right, i know i deserve to go out too. we've been talking and he said that we're going to have to set his alarm and have me go out for a little bit. he's just going to have to take one for the team and wake up earlier every once in awhile. :)

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  5. do you know another mom you can trade an hour or so with? You watch her kid and hour or two each week and visa versa? As far as nursing--you can probably get 3 hours away if you do a long nursing session before you go--that's atleast a non-titanic-length flick or a pedicure atleast! :-)

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  6. I'm in the same position. Went shopping yesterday (with H in the stroller) and realized, "Crap. I haven't been out without this kid for longer than twenty minutes since he's been born!" We just tried bottle feeding for the first time last week and he DID NOT like it at all (posting on that later...). So now I'm extra freaked, because I'm wondering how we'll manage me ever going out if he won't drink milk if it doesn't come out of my boob. G tries to help sometimes, but even when I do go out I'm worrying about H so I come home so soon. I wish we lived closer and we could take turns watching each other's kids. It really is so frustrating sometimes, you're not alone! Ahhhh....

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  7. I had the same feelings about Aidyn.. Only his daddy lived four hours away. He worked all the time so we moved so I could get help from my mom. Breastfeeding tied me down, but it was worth it.

    Funny story.. the first time I left over night, I pumped enough for him to last over night. EXCEPT I forgot my pump! My boobs were so swolledn that I had to go the bathroom all night, and press on my boobs. The milk just SHOT out. It hurt so bad. I ended up leaving as soon as the sun was up! I couldnt get to him fast enough! OUCHIE MAMA!

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  8. oh no! this is my worst fear about post-baby life! i really hope you can get your husband to watch wyatt one night so you can get away for a bit! just hang in there.

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