Monday, August 9, 2010

FERBER, I HATE YOU



Okay, WWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!?!????????????!!!!!!!!!@!$

Last night was INSANE. Like, completely freakin' nuts.

HERE'S THE RUNDOWN

1. Put Wyatt to bed at 8:15, but he screamed till 9. I went in and checked on him a couple times and he finally went to sleep.

2. Didn't wake up till 1 am, which is great! But I could not get him back to sleep. At 3 am he finally went down. THREE AM!!!!!!!!!!!! OH, and he only slept an hour.

3. So at 4 am he's up screaming. I couldn't really take it anymore because I haven't really slept yet. I couldn't sleep anyway last night and so by this time I was exhausted. I tried to get him back to sleep but slowly gave up. I finally went out to the living room and put a pillow over my head and fell asleep on the couch for an hour.

4. At 5 am I woke up and realized that Wyatt was still screaming. I tried to comfort him, but no. So I gave up again. (I'M TERRIBLE)

5. I fell asleep on the couch again and didn't wake up till 7:30. SEVEN THIRTY. And do you want to know what? WYATT WAS STILL CRYING IN HIS CRIB. WTF!?@e$@#$!#t%

6. This was my breaking point after realizing that my kid literally didn't sleep half the night. So I brought him back to bed with me and all was golden until 8:30 when we woke up naturally.

Please, someone tell what the hell happened here?! I didn't pick him up at all during this whole process because THOSE ARE THE RULES?! I don't know. I hate this Ferber thing.

I need some real motivation to keep going. Has anyone experienced a night as nuts as this?

29 comments:

  1. that's so rough!
    i hope it gets better and quick, girl.

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  2. Perhaps he's teething? When my daughter gets crazy like this I give her a little Baby Orajel on her gums and it seems to help her.

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  3. I tried this method and Elijah was too strong willed for it to work. He wouldn't fall asleep even after crying for several hours.

    I do think that if he's still teething it could be why. When Elijah is teething even when he's in bed with me he still wakes up all night long crying. Even with me right there. I have to get up and hold him and comfort him. It's been super rough.

    I couldn't imagine doing Ferber WHILE he's teething. It makes a hard method even harder!

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  4. I agree with the teething. But, I like this gel best (all natural): http://www.hylands.com/products/teethinggel.php

    We have always had Ruari in a co-sleeper, so it's never that bad. She did wake up screaming at 1am and didn't fall asleep till about 5 am. Meh.

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  5. Maybe he screamed so much because his new are actually hurting? Or he's getting more that are hurting??????

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  6. I've had a few nights like this too. We did the crying himself to sleep thing. It only took about 3 days for him to realize not to fight us when it was bed time. Babies seem to have their own agenda and don't always want to bend to our will. I agree with leaving him in there to scream if you're totally exhausted. With Conrad, he eventually gives up and passes out, but it seems like for us, if we keep going in there and trying to help him too much, he thinks we're coming in to save him and rock him the entire night and it drags the process on forever!

    I do have to say though about teething, I can tell the difference between a "pissed" cry because he doesn't want to go to bed, and a "pain" cry from teething. When he's teething, and it's 3 am and he's been up all night, we usually go ahead and give him some pain meds and it helps. We also rock him and comfort him all he wants.

    It's hard though. you did a good job!

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  7. chelsea, i guess he could have been teething? but honestly, he was out and out pissed. like, seriously pissed that he was tired and couldn't sleep in the crook of my arm with my boob in his mouth. that's why i didn't bend at all. but i'm so sick of not getting any sleep. I NEED CONTROL.

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  8. I have no opinion.. because I sucked at this very same thing..

    but I'll say: You're not horrible, everything will be fine, and I'd give you a big hug if I could!

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  9. okay - that is totally nuts!! What a strong willed little guy.
    My second was a finicky sleeper, sometimes I'd just have to go to bed and cry - it was so stressful. I read the "no cry sleep solution" and while it took longer than maybe a cry-it-out method would it did eventually get her in her own bed sleeping on her own. The pre-bedtime routine helped a lot.
    Also, I know it's really hard when they are so little and you're so crazy-sleep deprived but this season will pass... they are only this little for a short while.
    By the way my pediatritian told me to give my non-sleeper 1/2 dose of bendryl to knock her out a bit and help her get in the habit of sleeping through the night, it really worked!

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  10. Sometimes it just doesn't work. At some point I think I would've caved - you've got a lot more willpower than I do. Maybe he is teething? Have you tried teething tablets? It's homeopathic so even if he's not teething, it won't be a bad thing to give them to him because it's soothing anyway.

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  11. Hey Jess, my understanding of the ferber method was that you didn't keep it going past a certain point in the same night, but I could have it totally wrong. I know K and I had this rule that if she was still going strong we would just go get her. We wouldn't put her to bed with us or anything, but we would rock her/nurse or bottle her/ etc. But we kept the lights low and didn't leave the room, trying to make sure she understood that it was "sleep time." I guess it worked. Maybe it would have been better if we had let her cry longer, but... basically, I suppose we totally modified the program. I don't know, I guess I am saying, I don't think you fail if you change it up a bit to fit your kid. Don't know if our altered way may work, but it seemed better in our situation. Trust me, she would still go crazy once we laid her down again sometimes (other times not, which encouraged us!), but then she would cry less and settle in faster. =( I do feel for how annoying/difficult this is for you guys. STINKS.

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  12. im about to start "sleep training" hendrix so started reading the "no cry sleep solution" have you read it? it may help a lot. they have a ton of tips on how to get kids to sleep without them crying it out. it came highly recommended from another mommy friend of mine and she coslept/breastfed. you should check it out

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  13. I've never fully conformed to Ferber fully. When the boys are just fussy or crying I don't pick them up, just give them paci and rub their head until they're calm. When it's to the point of screaming I give them a couple minutes and then pick them up and get them calm again. I can't stand to listen to screaming and i just feel like they're screaming for a reason adn sometimes wanting mommy is reason enough.

    Be flexible I say. Those docs know a little but mama knows best for her babies.

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  14. Oh no! I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's so hard to tell sometimes if they are just mad because they want to be cuddled (especially if they're used to it) or if something is wrong. We can only do our best to make the differentiation.
    I really do think this will pass. Try to hang in there. Assuming Wyatt is OKAY, he will have to eventually learn to self sooth. But it's such a tough process. I wish I had better advise for you!

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  15. I don't agree with you not being able to pick him up completely, sometimes if Kingston wakes up and is bawling i'll go in and try to rub his head and say NIGHT NIGHT and walk out but if he continues to cry i'll pick him up and rock him but I wont talk to him then lay him down say NIGHT NIGHT and walk out. That way they know they need to sleep.
    Does he take a binky? Or does he just want your boob? Try giving him a soft blanket that he can snuggle up to and when you rock him rub him with the blanket on his cheek, then when you lay him down snuggle him up to the blanket and see if that helps. Give him some other form of soother other than your boob or another great thing you can buy which kingston has also is a sound machine. It plays sounds like: waves, heartbeat, ocean,summer night, rain etc. It drounds out any other noise and soothes them to sleep.

    http://www.walmart.com/ip/HoMedics-Sound-Spa-Machine-with-Timer/2686012?wmlspartner=GPA&sourceid=44444444440382092080

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  16. The thing that helped me the most was to NOT check in on him after I put him down. Wait at least 2 hours if you really must go in to check on him. It will take a few days for him to adjust and get the memo. It's hard but in the end it is sooo worth it! And I'm not sure if he takes or is going to take a pacifier. I was completely against pacifiers with my son but then my husband gave him one and he turned out to be okay. Giving him a pacifier helped me and it helped my baby sleep more. He used to sleep for 10-12 hours a night! Getting rid of the pacifier was extremely easy! It wasn't even as hard as everyone says.

    Good luck girly! It's tough work but it will be worth it in the end. Just hang in there!

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  17. We went through this with our 10 month old when he was four months. I can tell you, after a certain point of crying for so long, it's okay to pick him up and try to get him to fall asleep. Don't judge yourself too much. You can bend the rules if it's been that long. But like another gal above said, keep the environment in a low stimulated atmosphere. Keep lights low, not a lot of talking or commotion, and that should help. Sometimes they just need "resetting" and a bit of time to catch their breath and stop crying before settling in for the night. This is how we started my guy out. He picked up on the whole "soothing himself" thing really fast though. I can say it's all worth it and you are doing a great job being strong. Remember to be consistent with your routine and he will get the hang of it faster than you know. You're doing great. I have a ton of advice and experience doing this with our boy so if you have any questions, feel free to ask me =]

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  18. aw man, im sorry...nights like that suck somethin awful. you are pretty amazing to have gone through it by yourself! Kamryn has had nights like this when she is teething and its horrible. ive kinda gotten the hang of realizing she is in one of those teething moods and give her infant tylenol right before she goes to sleep. also, try putting a small radio on low in the background for him when he sleeps...we have just discovered this trick and it seems to help. good luck girl, i hope it gets way better for you & for wyatt.

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  19. Your book (a.k.a. HELP) is on it's way!

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  20. That sounds awful! Wyatt sounds a lot like my daughter, Claire. We co-slept until she was 14ish months because when I would try to put her in her crib she would scream and scream and NEVER stop. When she turned a year we bought her a low to the ground toddler bed. We started playing with her in it, then moved on to the whole bedtime routine in it and then I would put her in my bed. Then one night I left her in the bed for just 5 minutes and she was quiet. The next night I planned to leave her in there until she screamed, but she never did. She slept from 7:30 pm until 8:30 am. It was amazing! And now she sleeps on her own every night :)

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  21. ugh, i feel for you, i really do. you know i have been there!

    it's harder right now because he is teething but be consistent if you can and hang in there. it does work.
    have you tried white noise? like a fan maybe?

    Lily is finally sleeping through the night. (i'm not rubbing it in).
    she has been sleeping so well here in WV. she gets tired as all hell during the day.

    i have a big fan in her bedroom(yeah, she has her own bedroom here) and she sleeps from 8pm-6am!

    so, hang in there and it will happen.
    you know we have struggled here too.
    hang in there!!!

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  22. I'm so going through the same thing right now! this routine thing is so hard!! Hopefully it works for you, and i'll have hope that it will work for me as well!

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  23. We are having great success with the Ferber method, but we have modified it a bit. I just read that Ferber actually came out with a statement that his method is not letting your child cry it out but that there may be some crying involved. I have read about some people adding PUPD (pick up put down) to the Ferber method, and here is what we do: the first night we went in every 5 minutes while he was crying and laid him back down and patted his belly and whatnot and that took an hour and a half. So we went in a lot that night. The next night we went in every 10 minutes while he was crying that took 45 minutes. The 3rd night we went in every 15 minutes, but we never let it go on more than 15 minutes without comforting him because I didn't want him to get so worked up that he would throw up or not be able to sleep. This took 30 minutes, and the next night he went straight down. We still have a night here or there where he will be upset for like 10 minutes but no longer. Now for night waking (which has only happened a few times) I go in immediately and pick him up, rock him, put him down, turn back on his star turtle thing (it turns itself off after 45 mins) and rub his belly, and hang out with him for a few minutes while he falls back asleep. IF he cries again when I leave we start the 10 or 15 minute intervals again but that has not happened. We just made sure that we had a plan before we started and stuck to it with slight small modifications. You don't have to stick to what the Ferber method exactly states, but it doesn't say to just leave the baby until he falls asleep, (although that works well for some people and I am not knocking that method either!) it might be a good idea to get his book, and read up on it more than just what people say online, because it is quite different than people make it out to be. Collin now sleeps at least 8 hours in his own crib, once he went 9, but at that point when he wakes up my husband is getting ready for work so he just brings him in to me and he goes back to sleep while I get my much missed snuggles :)

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  24. I put a fan in the room with us and I could swear it makes her sleep better! I think white noise really does work..

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  25. I hear ya sister. sleep training = HELL.

    Ferber ended up working well for our daughter-- but yup there were times even after "ferberizing" (and even now once in a blue moon) that she would cry all night. I think it was either her teeth cutting through (it does make a HUGE difference in behavior), or she was coming down with something, or just having a restless night like regular big humans do sometimes... I don't know.

    but I do remember sitting outside her room crying myself while listening to her cry and counting down the minutes until I could go in a check on her-- heartbreaking.

    now though (at two) she's a great night time sleeper and has been for awhile. she even goes to bed a hour before she actually falls asleep sometimes and just entertains herself until she's sleepy.

    So I think in the end FERBER seems to work. At least that's what my husband and I think.

    good luck to you. I looove your blog by the way.

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  26. woah. i remember those nights. sorry you have to go through it. i know it is so hard and horrible. have you tried the baby whisperer? i learned a lot from her series.
    but you do get through this stage, teeth play a big part hyland teething tablets are great. seriously you get through and get some sleep eventually...promise!
    ps: i really loved my earplugs during sleep training took the edge off!

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  27. Ferber sucks, and I'm a total Ferber FAIL. Ferber dropout. I hated every moment of it and my baby can SCREAM...

    But I do think it works. We had a really good thing going for awhile. But after ear infections, illnesses, traveling, teething, we fell off the rails. That, and my baby is a little bulldog (like his mama)in that he's stubborn, fierce, determined, and very snuggly. He can scream and tantrum like a pro. We had many a night like you did, and we still do.

    We're back to co-sleeping.

    Not the encouragement you wanted to hear...but I truly believe you have to do what's right for you. There was a happy medium for us - cosleeping but no bottles/attention at night. He sleeps through the night, but only in bed with us. Otherwise he wakes frequently.

    Try to remember it's for his own good, and your own good. Hope it's gotten better for you.

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