I FEEL VERY BLESSED! I get to stay home with my son all day and yet, still make money. It's a great feeling and I'm really lucky.
But on the flip side, there's this NASTY thing called MOM GUILT and I really have an insane amount of it. It's really hard finding a balance when you're a WAHM. There's this always constant pang that you should be doing something. Either I should be doing design work, working on my bliggity blog, whoring out my etsy shop (like how I just whored it even in this post?), or social networking/replying back to emails. And if I'm doing those things, I feel like I shouldn't be and I should just throw the damn computer out the window and freaking play on the floor with my kid. It's a crazy cycle. And I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Yeah, duh play on the floor with your kid!" and trust me, I do... but I also need to find time to work! Because we're a one income family, and that means I have to figure out a way to make some money. I try to reason with myself and say that him hanging out on the floor with his trucks while I'm on the computer alongside him is better than not seeing him if I were to work outside the home (NOT JUDGING! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WORKING OUTSIDE OF THE HOME. I JUST CAN'T AFFORD IT). And I think that there are people that would kill to be in my situation, I recognize this. I guess I'm just venting.
I know I'm not the only WAHM that feels like they're just not doing enough. When you realize that your kid is playing all by themselves and that they can only say a handful of words, you just really wonder if it's your fault? Yikes. Typing that out makes me shudder. But I do think that this is the era we live in now. It really is hard times and we gotta bring in the bacon anyway we can. And I'm doing it! But at what cost?
And before I get a ton of hater-ade comments - I DO PLAY AND ENGAGE WITH MY SON. It's just that I can't give my undivided attention to him 24/7, and until there's a way that I can give him my attention 25/7, I will always feel like I'm just not doing enough. ::enter sad face here::
(aaaaaaand, my son is napping as I type this up.)