Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I'm being a big wuss

About a week ago I joined Fit Body Boot Camp and I'm reporting back today that my body is in agony. There are parts of my body that I have never actually worked out before, and now that I have... OW. This has been way harder for me than what I thought it would be. Yeah, I thought it would be difficult and uncomfortable, but I had no idea how much of a mind game this boot camp would be. I have legit thought, "I'M WALKING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE", not even 5-10 minutes into a session. It's really hard. Like, really, really hard. I'm not even kidding.

The last session I went to the trainer had us doing 8 billion different style/types of planks. I couldn't even hold my body up. I kept collapsing, rolling around on the floor, fat jiggling, it was just awful. I felt myself getting stressed out and emotional. I really struggled to hold back tears because I'm a huge cry baby loser. I was mortified of being seen, the embarrassment would be too much to bare. Maybe my tears would be masked behind the sweat? I'm not willing to take that risk. As I was in this situation, my mind instantly went to that place of, "Is this even worth it?" because well, you're ass up while a guy above you tells you you're "not allowed to rest for more than 1 second" and he "better not catch you taking a break". So you just keep going... but you're actually just sweating and grunting and struggling to hold your body weight up.

My biggest gripe is having male trainers. I don't know. It's just something I feel weird about. I guess I'm just too insecure with my own body or something. I talked to Josh about it but he doesn't get it. He thinks it's all the same, and he's probably right. But I guess I don't want to be obsessed with the thought of WHY IS MY TRAINER A GUY?! every time I work out. I dunno. I'm being dumb probably. Would that be weird for you? Or, if you have a male trainer do you like it better than a female trainer?

I don't have intentions to quit, not really... but my brain keeps trying to make excuses to do it. Right now I'm so out of shape, and at a higher weight than I'm used to, so everything feels EXTREMELY hard. Also, did I mention I'm not coordinated either? Because I'm pretty sure I can't figure out how to even do half of these exercises correctly. The trainer will show me or I'll watch others in the class but I'm like... WUT?

I know things will get better because it's science. Practice makes perfect right? But right now, IN THIS MOMENT, I'm feeling like a big loser who isn't coordinated or strong enough to do anything. I can't imagine myself getting better, but I know that it has to. Right????? WAAAAAAH. /end rant

This picture is unrelated but man, I want a long john. :(

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