Friday, December 27, 2013

I struggle with my rotten self.

A few months ago I found a job that I thought was going to be great. I had high hopes for it and was pretty stoked. I honestly couldn't believe I could land a job like it. I soon realized that this job was not for me and I did not really have what it took to work there. I quit, but then soon regretted that decision since it was more likely that I just didn't FEEL like doing what was required. I really battle the insane urge to not say "fuck it" to things that are the least bit challenging and stressful. While I know there are hard working people out there that tirelessly go to work every day without so much as a peep of negativity, for some reason I'm not like that. It's a major character flaw I have. Up until I had Wyatt I had extremely ideal work situations with the bank. I loved it! But unfortunately, I just can't seem to land a banking job, and all my precious (fun) work experience has spoiled me to the max.

Fast forward a couple of months, and now I'm in a new job that I'm holding onto for dear life. It's different, and in a lot of ways very challenging. Every morning I wake up and seriously battle myself to not be a loser and say fuck it, but I'm holding strong. It's been about a month at this new job and things are getting easier and I'm slowly becoming less and less lazy. I can't deny that I don't NOT think about quitting at least 3 times a day though. I definitely still do feel the anxiety as I drive my long commute everyday, but I'm just sucking it up and doing it.

I'm not typing this out for some sort of pat on the back, but just to share that I struggle with being a rotten person almost daily. I wish I had the tenacity that so many others have, but I just don't. I seem to only ever feel passion for the things I happen to enjoy and I have zero room for anything else.

Okay, that's all I feel like confessing today.

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